Embracing the Camino: A Journey of Self-Discovery
This time last year, in the fall of 2023, I finally chose to embark on the Camino de Santiago, a pilgrimage that had captured my imagination ever since a dear friend completed the trek a few years prior. My fascination with Spanish culture and language was kindled during my college years, especially after visiting my roommate’s family in Spain. I was struck by the warmth, vibrancy, and family-oriented nature of the people I met, which inspired me to start studying Spanish in my spare time, eager to stay connected to this beautiful culture.
Initially, I planned to walk the Camino after college, but the onset of COVID-19 redirected my path. I pursued a master’s degree in counseling instead, which turned out to be a challenging period marked by my own struggles with anxiety and depression. During this time, I found healing in both therapy and my mindfulness and yoga practice. After graduation, societal pressures to secure a job and “get ahead” postponed my dream once more. It wasn’t until experiencing burnout that I decided to prioritize my own mental health by embarking on my pilgrimage. I handed in my notice, moved out of my San Francisco apartment, and bought a one-way ticket, ready to surrender to whatever lay ahead.
My journey began in St. Jean Pied de Port, France, where I met a fellow pilgrim, a therapist from Scotland, who would accompany me for the next 31 days. We started our walk on an uncharacteristically hot day, tackling an 18-mile trek up a mountain in over 100-degree heat. The 800km journey was filled with challenges; from a pack that was too heavy, to some of the worst blisters I’ve ever experienced, to chronic pain from injuries I had long forgotten, to trying to eat vegetarian in a country that is anything-but… Yet, in my discomfort, I found community. A California couple helped me pare down my pack to a quarter of its original weight, my fellow pilgrims walked slowly beside me sometimes even offering to carry my pack, my friends and I cooked community meals and tried my vegetarian cooking, and everyone I met offered support and encouragement throughout the journey.
Despite considering skipping parts of the route due to my injuries, the motivation and camaraderie of my new friends pushed me to continue. Those difficult moments transformed into some of the most magical experiences, as I discovered serene meditation rooms, attended community dinners, and enjoyed moments of reflection in silence. The Camino became a powerful metaphor for life, illustrating that beauty often emerges from our most challenging times. Reducing my pack felt symbolic of shedding the anxieties and burdens I had carried into this experience. In my journal, I reminded myself: “Don’t be afraid to step into moments and experiences that are uncomfortable; these are the moments where you discover your strength, values, and authenticity.”
Here are some reflections and teachings from my walk:
1. **Connection through Vulnerability**: Many of us fear being alone, yet putting ourselves out there opens doors to kindness and connection. Trust that there are people who will support you, even in the most unexpected places.
2. **Acceptance over Control**: Embrace acceptance rather than striving for control in life. I learned to be present and trust that the right people and opportunities would appear when I least expected them. During a mass that I attended, I used my broken Spanish to understand a priest reflecting on how the right things will come at the right time, and all that matters is being in the present moment so that we can notice, be aware, and have gratitude for these things when they do come.
3. **Finding Peace in Letting Go**: Constantly trying to control outcomes can blind us to the small blessings in life. If I had skipped certain parts of the Camino, I would have missed some of my fondest memories from this whole experience, some of of which being singing the Beatles at sunset with a Brazilian family, sleeping in a monastery, and dancing in a river after a hot day to old rock music that I couldn’t believe my international friends knew!
4. **The Power of Simple Gestures**: A simple smile, “good morning,” or “how are you?” can have a profound impact on others.
5. **The Beauty of Stillness**: I learned to embrace boredom and the tranquility of slowing down. Moments of solitude, surrounded by endless fields, became healing for my mind.
6. **Self-Care is Essential**: My struggles with chronic pain humbled me, especially seeing older pilgrims who moved with ease. It reminded me of how important it is to not only nourish the mind and soul, but also the body and to take a holistic approach to healing and self-care.
7. **Step-by-Step Approach**: I found comfort in not knowing what day it was, where I was headed each day, or who I was going to be spending my days with… a stark contrast to my previous need for meticulous planning.
8. **Authenticity is Liberating**: Being true to myself and embracing my quirks not only boosted my confidence but also deepened my connections with others. A fellow pilgrim and I discussed this one day while we were walking and they said that, “We have to trust that the right things and the right people are going to come at the right time. All you can really do is be true to yourself, and the right things are going to fall into place. But if you try to control every situation and even try to control who you are and how you present yourself to the world, you’re no longer being authentic and that will only lead you to being surrounded by people and things that don’t actually lift you up.”
The Camino was transformative, serving as a space for meditation and emotional processing. I practiced mindfulness and radical acceptance, slowing down and surrendering to a greater universal power in order to be present with the little moments and enjoy each day to the fullest. I journaled about the intense emotions that arose, realizing the importance of allowing feelings to flow through me without fear. Approaching emotions with love and acceptance became crucial; after all, feeling deeply is part of being human.
Ultimately, what I realized was that the goal of the Camino wasn’t simply to reach Santiago de Compostela, despite the achiever in me grappling with that notion. The true essence lay in appreciating the journey, savoring each moment, and reconnecting with my authentic self. In the end, there is a greater intelligence at work in our lives, guiding us to connect and realign with ourselves, our values, and the present.
Reflection questions to consider…
Do you find it difficult to feel?
When you walk, would you say that you are inside your body or your mind takes you to a different place?
When was the last time you heard the sound of your breath?
Do you think you are led by fear?
Are you clinging to something you have to let go?
Was there a time in the day only for yourself?
Are you doing the things you believe in?
Are you happy with the things you're doing?
To what extent are you the owner of the path of your life?
Lately, when have you felt more alive and passionate?
What excites you most about your life?
What do you have to be thankful for?
