The Art of Balancing Stress: Cultivating Resilience and Deep Rest
Life is inherently stressful. From daily tasks to unexpected challenges, stress is a constant companion, often showing up in the form of a harsh inner critic telling us we aren’t doing enough and sometimes that we simply aren’t enough. But not all stress is created equal. While short bursts of stress can boost resilience and motivate us, chronic stress can wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. This blog explores how mindfulness, somatic practices, and self-compassion can help transform our relationship with stress and create opportunities for deep rest.
Understanding Stress: The Good, the Bad, and the Chronic
Stress is a natural part of life, but chronic stress often flies under the radar. It shows up as anxiety, depression, fatigue, insomnia, and even physical ailments like gastrointestinal issues. Over time, it affects our ability to work, connect with others, and enjoy life.
On the other hand, short-term or acute stress, often referred to as “positive stress,” can benefit our well-being. Like a workout for the nervous system, positive stress helps us build resilience by teaching the body to recover quickly. Learning to embrace this type of stress can expand our window of tolerance, motivating us to grow while remaining engaged and energized.
However, chronic stress—caused by things like unhealed trauma, excessive workloads and long to-do lists, societal pressure around productivity, or even our own high expectations—can feel relentless. It creates a sense of being unsafe or overwhelmed, often through negative or critical self-talk, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Self-Compassion as a Stress Management Tool
One powerful antidote to chronic stress is self-compassion. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we can step back from thoughts and feelings of inadequacy or shame. Self-compassion allows us to see our struggles as part of the shared human experience, and recognizing this commonality reduces isolation and fosters emotional resilience.
When we tune into our stress with curiosity and self-compassion, we can begin to increase our awareness of our experience and uncover the root causes of our stress. Is your stress linked to cultural expectations of productivity? Are unprocessed emotions bubbling beneath the surface? Is your stress related to circumstances in or out of your control, and do you have the power to let it go with acceptance and grace? By exploring these questions, we can better understand our stress and start to shift into states of deep rest and renewal.
Transforming Stress with Mind-Body Practices
At a recent retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, I explored practices designed to reduce chronic stress and cultivate resilience. Here are some key insights and steps you can take today to begin embracing relaxation and deep rest:
1. Activate with Positive Stress
Throughout the day, engaging in practices that gently challenge the body can help us harness the benefits of positive stress and make it easier for us to wind down when it comes time for sleep. Activities such as:
• Movement that elevates the heartrate like exercise or dancing
• Alternating between hot and cold temperatures (like a sauna and cold plunge)
• Active breathing exercises
These activities strengthen the nervous system, helping it recover faster from future stress.
2. Shift into Relaxation Mode
Relaxation isn’t about inactivity—it’s about intentionality. Activities like yoga, walking in nature, creating art, or listening to music can help you transition from “doing mode” into a state of calm. Gentle somatic movements, such as body scans, shaking, or slow stretches, bridge the gap between activity and rest.
3. Cultivate Deep Rest
Deep rest occurs when the body feels completely safe. Practices like meditation, sound baths, restorative yoga, or lying down with slow, intentional breathing can promote this state. To maximize deep rest:
• Choose a quiet, distraction-free environment where your body feels comfortable and at ease.
• Turn off your phone and set boundaries to avoid interruptions.
• Focus on slow, deep breaths to signal safety to the nervous system.
Daily Rituals to Balance Stress
Creating daily rituals can help your body and mind transition between different states of stress and relaxation:
Morning Ritual
Before diving into your day, avoid activities that spike cortisol, like scrolling through your phone or checking the news. Instead take a moment to set a positive intention for the day, identifying something that can bring you joy, and something that could bring joy to someone else.
Evening Ritual
Wind down 30–45 minutes before bedtime to prepare your body for rest:
• Avoid screens and stimulating conversations; certain topics and discussions can be activating, creating arousal anxiety and tension that make it even more challenging to relax and rest.
• Practice gratitude by reflecting on the positive moments of your day.
• Try calming activities like drinking herbal tea, taking an Epsom salt bath, stretching, engaging in restorative yoga, or listening to soothing music.
These small shifts can enhance sleep quality and help you wake up feeling more restored. Apart from morning and evening rituals, it’s also helpful to take breaks throughout the day to check in with yourself and engage in self-care. This might look like eating at regular intervals, engaging in movement, or having a mindful moment to attune and process emotions as they come, rather than suppress them only to have them resurface when settling down to relax and rest.
Final Thoughts
Stress doesn’t have to control your life. By cultivating self-compassion, embracing positive stress, and prioritizing practices that lead to deep rest, you can transform how stress impacts your mind and body. Start small: introduce one new ritual or practice this week. Over time, these tools will empower you to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience.
I want to thank retreat speakers Elissa Epel (amecenter.ucsf.edu) and Nichol Chase for their wealth of knowledge and practices that contributed to this article.
